Back in the day

Ah, the seventies. Back when I had a penis. See the picture below for confirmation!

I send this photo to a friend recently, and she pointed out that fact to me. Funny how you can look at a photo for years and not notice a thing like that!

When I started racing I got my first "Speedo" swimsuit. It was so skimpy that I felt terribly exposed. My solution was to choose a suit that was much too big for me, thinking more fabric = more concealment. WRONG. More fabric equalled more opportunity for wet nylon to caress the curves of my genitals and throw them into sharp relief! It took me years to realise this.

The picture is of my sister and I celebrating our victories at the 1975(?) Bracebridge Summer Festival. Sis won the ten-and-under log-rolling competition, I won the all-ages long distance swimming race and entered the family mythology.

We had come from a cottage we were renting in the area just to enjoy the day. My mother encouraged me to enter the swimming race as I had been training with a team in the city for a couple of years. At the starting line, a mile down river, I realised that a nearby summer camp that specialised in athletics had sent a group for the race. That fired up my competitive juices! I planted myself near the front in the middle so I could keep position as the river twisted and turned, and lit the afterburners with about 50 metres to go. My family was watching the race from the shore and wondering where I was, when suddenly that glorious purple Speedo broke free of the pack.

Listening to: That Song by Big Wreck from In Loving Memory Of...

P.S. For those who wonder about such things, I still have a penis. I'm just more selective about the circumstances under which I reveal it.

Drafted

At my son's hockey game last night I was recruited to help behind the bench. Only one official coach had been able to make it to the game so I became defensive coach for the night. My main skill was opening the gate and calling the players in. However my encouraging shouts immediately preceded our only goal, by a defenseman. So I feel successful even though we did lose... And I had the best seat in the house.

Listening to: Tango Shoes by Bif Naked from Purge.

Stooges

I like the Three Stooges as much as the next guy, but it seems that the White House has taken the concept and given it new life...

It appears that the White House planted a especially friendly voice in the Press Corps early last year. "Jeff Gannon's" job (real name James Guckert) was to ask particularly sympathetic questions during press briefings, probably to ensure that like-minded news services (cough... Fox... cough...) could be supplied with ample footage of the most favourable kind. There's also been some coverage in recent months of the payments made to ensure supportive articles from other "journalists", such as paying Armstrong Williams $240,000 to promote "No Child Left Behind" and paying Maggie Gallagher $40,000 to promote conservative marriage policy.

Salon has this to say about it: "Why was a partisan hack, using an alias and with no journalism background, given repeated access to daily White House press briefings?"

Here's what I have to say about it: "Why is it that those who claim the moral high ground are so often found to be the most hypocritical and under-handed?"

Here in Canada we now have the Conservative Party trying to paint the governing Liberal Party as fascists in order to bolster a legally indefensible position on gay marriage. How can they "win" when they abandon the very morals they espouse in order to get there? I guess it's not about morality - it's just about obtaining power and the pleasure of using it.

Listening to: Everybody Wants to Rule The World by Tears for Fears from Songs From The Big Chair.

Lifesaver

It was an interesting weekend, but events at the office prevented me from posting an update. My boss (I hesitate to use that term because sometimes it felt like we were really "heterosexual life partners". It's a Jay and Silent Bob thing) quit on Monday and things have been a bit crazy since then. So here's the lame-ass post I've been picking away at all week.

Friday I saved a life and a marriage. Sounds impressive, right? :-) What actually happened was that I donated blood in the morning, which is something I used to do regularly. It hasn't been convenient in recent years, but an opportunity presented itself and I found the time. Having my iPod with me made the process more enjoyable. I never like the prick of the needle but after that I'm fine, and then it was all the cookies and juice I could gobble. Always an ulterior motive with me!

The marriage I saved? More creative license I'm afraid. I went for a swim after work and towards the end of my workout a woman who had been swimming in my lane came back out of the change room. She was talking to one of the lifeguards and they were peering into the water. I stopped to ask if they were looking for something. It turned out she'd lost an earring. I asked the colour so I could help them look, hoping it might be brightly coloured. She said "it was a diamond"... Almost invisible in water! And not disposable either. Luckily I managed to spot it almost immediately. The post was a tarnished metal that I could see.

Saturday night I went out, with a woman I've just started dating, to see my friend's R&B band Three Chord Johnny upstairs at The Pilot (the room is called The Stealth Lounge) for their pre-Valentine's Day show. 3CJ are buddies who enjoy jamming together and started doing charity concerts a few years ago. They're pretty tight these days, and Saturday night they added three gospel singers as backup and a horn section. It was a great gig, standing room only. The problem is that I've been out to their shows four times now over the last two years, each time with the girlfriend de jour, and the relationship has always ended shortly there after. Makes me a bit nervous to go with someone I like! I guess we'll see if the band's mojo has been broken.

Listening to: Born of Frustration by James from Seven.

Thaw the rinks

The NHL cancelled the 2004-2005 hockey season today, after locking out the players five months ago. It all came down to money... There may not be a 2005-2006 season according to some commentators. There's even talk that the league will bring in replacement players next year rather than compromise!

I sympathize with the players more than the league because the salaries rose to todays levels because the owners were willing to pay them. All other costs (tickets, TV rights, souvenirs) are set by supply and demand, why shouldn't salaries also be?

I think the tepid response of the American audience shows what the real result will be: attendance will never recover in some cities and a number of American teams aren't going to survive this dispute. The Canadian teams will all make it through because their audiences are devoted to the game. The League's victory, if there is one, will be Pyrrhic (they'll reduce costs but lose even more revenue).

Humbug... As a casual fan I rarely paid attention to regular season games, but I always tuned in for the playoffs. Thank goodness there are still eleven-year-olds out playing for my entertainment!

Happy You-Know-What Day

Just a quick middle-of-the-day note to send out a Valentine's Day hug to all my blogging friends around the world. If you happen to be in Toronto drop by; I have a big box of chocolates on my desk for any and all visitors! And you know I don't want to eat them all myself.

Thanks for sharing and caring. I don't have a "significant other" this year, so you're it...

Listening to: Lucky Man by The Verve from Urban Hymns.

Another Funny Short

Monty Python... Love 'em or hate 'em seem to be the only options. I love 'em, but generally keep it to myself. Since most of you got a kick out of the Charlie Brown video for Hey Ya! here's another cross-pollination for your consideration.

A few years ago LEGO held a movie-making competition for shorts created using LEGO bricks (and hopefully LEGO's stop-motion movie making kit). A conversation between Python Productions and LEGO resulted in a contract with some inspired lunatics at Spite Your Face to animate a scene from the film Monty Python and the Holy Grail. They decided to do a shot-for-shot recreation on the "Knights of the Round Table" scene. Their short was posted for a time on LEGO's web site, and even included as a bonus on the DVD re-release of the film.

Click on the picture to see the 6 MB version, or here for the 34 MB version.

In serendipitous news, David Hyde Pierce is on the Letterman Show right now promoting a new musical based on Monty Python and the Holy Grail that is opening on Broadway this weekend! How weird is that? Read about Spamalot here.

Listening to: Sand in My Shoes (iTunes link) by Dido from Life For Rent.

Update: I went to the gym earlier in the evening, but discovered that all my gym bag contained was a pair of shoes! Rather than frighten the women and horses I sulked in the whirlpool for twenty minutes and headed home again...

Predator/Prey

Slowly they circled each other. The predator looking for weakness, the prey watching for which way the attack would come. Both patient as ice knowing this was a long game, not a short one...

Hee hee. My son's school had it's winter skating party at the local ice rink Friday night. It was a glorious evening, calm and just below freezing. The hockey rink and the pleasure pad beside it were opened up to each other and half the school spent the evening circling around to a disco beat. Hot chocolate was dispensed by the gallon, with cupcakes for all. My son was keen to show "his" iPod and tease as many girls as possible. He's getting pretty good good on his skates. (And he came this close to a goal Saturday!)

Who was the predator and who was the prey? Well, I was the prey. The predators? Well let's just say there were a few single moms in attendance... Oh, it all seemed innocent enough, chatting away. Until I realised that they had completely determined my status and eligibility! Well, we all gotta do what we gotta do.

Listening to: Times Like These by Foo Fighters from One By One. But an unreleased(?) acoustic version.

Shuffling around the house

My iPod shuffle arrived this afternoon. Hooray! It is so simple to use and is amazingly tiny and light. You have to see this thing to really get it. Sounds great too, although I haven't had much of a chance to listen. My son's had it clamped to his head ever since I got home. Coolest thing: plug it in, pick a playlist, click Autofill, you're done! Tomorrow will be my maiden flight with it.

My parents took C. to his Kung Fu class today, which is something they have started doing every two weeks to have some time together. Today was C's first time in the higher class as he earned his orange belt on the weekend. This means a 4:30 start instead of 5:15. I caught up with everyone afterwards at Penrose Fish & Chips. Here's their menu, unchanged in forty years: Fish & Chips (one piece of Halibut or two), or Fish, or Chips. Also Coleslaw, Pies and Ice Cream. Can you guess what we ate?

Update 1: My son has now displayed every known rockin' out symptom since attaching my iPod shuffle to his head: air guitar, kitchen table keyboard, air mic, head bobbing, mullet-shaking, grimaces, ass-wiggling, gesturing to the sky, and of course, incorrect lyric recitation.

Update 2: Just read this on the Wired web site. Apparently there are and estimated 16,000 iPods in use amongst the 25,000 staff at Microsoft's Redmond offices. I think the jury's reached a verdict...

Listening to: This Love (iTunes link) by Maroon 5 from Songs About Jane.