Someone's not pulling their punches...

You know there's a history between parties when lawyers start using phrases like "moron" in their submissions! Apple Computer (they make Macintosh computers and operate the iTunes store) and Apple Corps (the normally comatose record label for The Beatles) are currently involved in their third trademark dispute over their shared name and things are off to a vigorous start. Apple Corp. claims that Apple Inc. is getting into the music business, which their existing agreement forbids. Apple Inc. says that they don't create music, which is Apple Corp.'s supposed business, and "even a moron in a hurry" wouldn't confuse one Apple for the other.

I smell lawyers making money...

Listening to: Let's Get It Started (Spike Mix) by Black Eyed Peas from Elephunk.

Walkin' 'round in women's outerwear

I dropped in on Sheryl this afternoon for a coffee, and it was such a nice day that I rode down on my mountain bike. When we stopped in at Whole Foods to pick up some ingredients for her bosses dinner I noticed that the sports store had opened up a temporary sale outlet. I had biked down in my normal spring jacket, which is loose and lightly padded, and I found that it caught a lot of wind. The outlet had some nice slim-fitting Sugoi cycling tops and jackets at half price. I ended up buying one of each, and wearing them for a sleeker return ride.

There was a problem though: the cycling jacket was only available in women's sizes. So I went up a size...

Listening to: Henry Needs a New Pair of Shoes by The Lowest of the Low from Shakespeare My Butt.

Also listening to Walkin' 'Round in Women's Underwear (to the tune of "Walkin' in a Winter Wonderland") by Bob Rivers from I Am Santa Claus.

Lacy things -- the wife is missin',
Didn't ask -- her permission,
I'm wearin' her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.

In the store -- there's a teddy,
Little straps -- like spaghetti,
It holds me so tight,
Like handcuffs at night,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.

In the office there's a guy named Melvin,
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown.
He'll say, "Are you ready?" I'll say,"Whoa, Man!"
"Let's wait until our wives are out of town!"

Later on, if you wanna,
We can dress -- like Madonna,
Put on some eyeshade,
And join the parade,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear!

Lacy things... missin',
Didn't ask... permission,
Wearin' her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear!

Episode 217, in which Ben watches some films and reads some books.

One of the things I do with this blog is keep track of the films I see and the books I read. A bit compulsive I know, but there you go... I've got a back log of films and books to pass judgment on so here they are, in order.

A Short History of Progress: This book is a reprint of a recent Massey Lecture series given by Canadian author/historian Ronald Wright. A Short History is a thought-provoking look at human society, how it has evolved, and how our civilizations repeatedly back themselves into "progress traps". Think Mesopotamia (aka Eden), the Maya, Easter Island, etc. Can we spot the next one before it blind-sides us? Maybe...

Walk the Line: The Johnny Cash bio-pic. Great performances from Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon, including their covers of Johnny Cash and June Carter's iconic songs. I really enjoyed the film, especially seeing Reese out of a pink skirt and handling herself well, but with Ray's Jamie Foxx still fresh in my mind it gets the silver medal.

Date Movie: This was a movie that I'd never consider but my twelve year old son was desperate to see. It was full of movie parodies (Shallow Hal, Hitch, Mr. & Mrs. Smith and Meet the Fockers come immediately to mind) and sexual humour of the most predictable kind. The actual plot was simply girl meets boy, girl loses boy, girl gets boy back. Wish I could get those two hours of my life back. My son's review? "Best movie ever."

The Kite Runner: The best-selling first novel by an Afghani doctor now living in the USA. The Kite Runner is a powerful story of childhood mistakes, shame and ultimately redemption. It's also a remarkable taste of the religious and class conflicts that have made recent life in Afghanistan so harsh. Keep the hankies within reach.

Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story: Without a doubt this was strange animal, although I enjoyed it (Sheryl wasn't so sure). Tristram Shandy is based on an 18th century comic satire. In the film the cast play their modern real-world selves half the time and the period plot never gets past the protagonist birth... Tristram Shandy takes post-modernism to a whole new level and then twists it sideways. I get the feeling that there were layers to this film that I missed, but what I "got" was entertaining.

Nuovo Cinema Paradiso: I've know about this 1989 film for years, but finally got around to seeing it on DVD. What a sentimental gem! Beautiful performances and an incredible peek into 1950's Sicily. The film chronicles life in the village of Giancaldo, the rivalry/friendship of little Toto/Salvatore and Alfredo the projectionist, and ultimately Salvatore's lost love and home. Keep the hankies within reach here too.

La Peau douce (The Soft Skin): I saw this last week with Sheryl at Cinematheque, which is currently running a short retrospective of the Françoise Dorléac's films (Françoise, who died in a car crash in 1967, is Catherine Deneuve's forgotten older sister). La Peau douce was directed and written by François Truffaut in 1964 and shot in black and white with some shaky camera work but great editing. The tale of a doomed affair between a married publisher and a stewardess (Françoise is beautiful beyond words) is well told and ends with a tragi-comic twist. The last scene of the film was a complete hoot.

And that's all the reviews that are fit to print.

Listening to: Northern Lights by Lux from Northern Lights.

Lord of the Rings

Finally I turn my keyboard to the Lord of the Rings Gala. In spite of an early start a rented stretch limo (booked by the Mirvishes for after the performance) we only arrived moments before the lights went down. I think we managed to snag a single flute of champagne. There were too many stops to pick up companions (we waited twenty minutes for Ferris...) and traffic was backed up eight blocks away. I redirected the driver north so we could come from a quiet direction and we arrived just in time. There was a huge lineup, but luckily the producer's partner William was there to wave us through. We were mostly seated together, and in the end Sheryl's daughter Tamara and her husband were given tickets too. She'd been to the preview with my son a week ago, and her husband unsuccessfully floated the idea of "just joining us at the after-party". They came down separately and beat us there in spite of a late start, so they had their proper share of champagne.

The stage was an immediate presence. It was encrusted by branches that reached out along the theatre walls, and was full of Hobbit cast members dancing to folk songs while the audience arrived. So you could say that the performance was even longer than the listed 3 1/2 hours. The stage floor itself was an amazing component, with circular sections frequently rotating and rising or falling to enhance stage movement. Fantastic.

Knowing the books and films I detected a few plot lurches, but they were unavoidable given the compression the story had to undergo. Early previews were almost an hour longer. James Loye and Peter Howe as Frodo and Samwise showed their character's bond and determination well, but the most captivating performance was unquestionably Michael Therriault's Gollum. What a juicy role! The Orcs, Dark Riders and Ents were powerful presences on stage. The Orcs were suitably gruesome and some leapt around the stage on spring-loaded boots. The Dark Riders and Ents towered above everyone on long stilts to great dramatic effect.

The most intense scene was the end of the first act when Gandalf confronts the Balrog. Talk about immersive... The scene that worked best for me though was the first part of the second act, when the Fellowship arrives in Lothlorien. Very magical and lyrical staging. I guess it's all about Elven queens with me. There was a great buzz in the crowd after the show, although the critics have apparently given mixed reviews.

The after-party was held at the Royal York hotel. 2000+ guests, all dressed in "black tie", enjoyed dozens of buffet stations (salmon loaves, oysters on a shell, arctic char, roast beef, cheese and dessert trays everywhere...) Kevin introduced his cast and then Värttinä, the Finnish pop group that collaborated on the music, gave a short concert. We stayed until about 2:00 AM, which is when we finally managed to track down Kevin and offer our congratulations.

Listening to: Glamour Profession by Steely Dan from Gaucho.

Lord of the... Race Track

Yes, I was at the Opening Night gala for the Lord of the Rings stage show. Yes, it was a great evening. But I still haven't been home for more than a few minutes so I haven't been able to download the photos from my camera. I'll blog about it tomorrow. What am I ready to report on? The Formula One races that I finally managed to watch on the PVR with my friend. Well, one of them. The first race in Bahrain was recorded but somehow got deleted. Grrr... I don't know what went wrong there.

What I read about the Bahrain race was that Ferrari were at the front of the starting grid, so they appear to be back in the game. Honda, Renault and McLaren were all right behind. The big technical changes have been the return of tire changes during the race and smaller V8 engines. There's also a new qualifying system that cuts down the field after certain intervals during qualifying. Kimi Raikkonen fell afoul of this as a crash during qualifying kept him off the course before the first interval expired.

In the actual race the story was Kimi's charge from the very back of the field to finish third. He'll be in contention this year. Fernando Alonso got his Renault past Michael Schumacher's Ferarri just as he exited the pit lane from his second stop for the win (pictured here). That must have been an exciting moment! Jenson Button struggled to recover from a bad start and finished fourth. Newcomer Nico Rosberg drove well in his Williams, finishing seventh. It will be interesting to see how he performs. The new teams, Super Aguri, Midland and Toro Rosso were at the back of the field, but they've got a lot of development work to do. Torro Rosso is running last year's Red Bull car with special allowance to use a detuned V10 engine. Super Aguri is even running a four-year-old Arrows car!

So what about the race I did get to watch? That would be the Malaysian Grand Prix. Giancarlo Fisichella was on the pole in his Renault, with Jenson Button along side. The two Williams cars, driven by rookie Nico Rosberg and Mark Webber filled row two. Row three was also occupied by teammates, with Juan Pablo Montoya ahead of McLaren-Mercedes partner Kimi Raikkonen. Last race's winner, Fernando Alonso, couldn't qualify better than eighth because of an accidental over-fuelling of his Renault (he had to carry that excess fuel into the race too). Michael Schumacher qualified fourth, but started fourteenth because he had to replace his engine before the required two races.

The race itself was pretty straight-forward. Giancarlo Fisichella started on the pole and stayed there. His teammate Fernando Alonso got a great start, moving from seventh to third by the first corner and then managed to keep pace in his over-fuelled Renault, with the result that he was able to finish second. Jenson Button held his starting position until Fernando passed him, but kept ahead of McLaren's Juan Pablo Montoya. Filipe Massa out-drove his Ferrari teammate Michael Schumacher, leaving them fifth and sixth at the end of the race. Jacques Villeneuve (go Canada!) drove well in his BMW, earning his team its first points. He might do well this year. Poor Kimi (see picture) was knocked out of the race on the first lap after being bumped by Christian Klien's Red Bull. Both Williams cars left the race early, due to an engine fire and a hydraulic problem. Jacques' teammate Nick Heidfeld also suffered an engine failure late in the race.

Listening to: Tired Of Getting Pushed Around by Two Men, A Drum Machine, And A Trumpet from Tired Of Getting Pushed Around (EP). (A Fine Young Cannibals side-project.)

March - Broken

Last week was Chris' March Break vacation. Given my cash situation, this year we hung around town and spent three days visiting his grandparents. He had a lot of fun playing with their puppy Biscuit, we went for a few walks along the lake front, and we ate a lot. Chris was a bit disappointed at the end of it though, as he had a long list of things he wanted to do in the city. We managed to squeeze in a trip to the Ontario Science Centre on Sunday, to see their Dangerous Science show, which satisfied him. I took some photos on our walks, expecting to try a few experiments, but I got caught up in the geology on the rocks used for the breakwater.

Tomorrow's my big day, attending the Lord of the Rings Gala Premier with Sheryl. We've decided to splash out on a stretch limo to get us all there... I'm sure I'll have lots of photos to post on Friday.

Listening to: Jerk It Out by the Caesars from Paper Tigers.

I can't hear you.

Last weekend's Formula One race has been taped, but until my friend returns from vacation I'm doing my best to avoid reading about it. We'll actually have two races to watch, as the next race is this coming weekend.

La la la la lah... I can't hear you!

P.S. Chris enjoyed the stage version of The Lord of the Rings immensely. Looking forward to my turn in a week.

Oh no, Mr. Rogers!

Sometimes I love technology and sometimes I hate it. These three remote controls, for three different new digital cable boxes from Rogers Cable, are an example of hated technology. From left to right they are for a digital cable box from my bedroom, a digital PVR cable box from my living room and a "high def" digital cable box from Sheryl's place. A close inspection (click on the picture) reveals that they all have different locations for important buttons like "Mute", "Info", "Page Up/Down" and "Last". They're just similar enough to confound your fingers. This kind of interface confusion stinks. Feh.

There really is a Mr. Rogers presiding over the Rogers media empire. And it seems that he does torture the little people just as Sluggo and Mr. Hands did in the Mr Bill segments from Saturday Night Live...

Listening to: Love My Way by The Psychedelic Furs from Forever Now.

Gentlemen, start your engines!

Tomorrow morning is the first Formula One race of the 2006 season!

Yes, I'm looking forward to it. As this picture shows my favourite driver, Kimi Raikkonen, had a tough time in qualifying. He'll be starting at the back of the grid as a result. The hated Ferrari cars will be at the front, which suggests that they've overcome last season's performance problems.

Lots of changes this year. Two brand-new teams, lots of drivers switching teams, and new rules. Qualifying is now a form of elimination, engines are 2.4 L V8's instead of 3.0 L V10's, and tire changes are allowed again. I think it will all lead to more interesting races.

Tomorrow Chris will be going to a preview performance of the Lord of the Rings stage production thanks to free VIP tickets Sheryl got from her boss (the executive producer). She and I will not be going along, as we have invitations to the black tie Opening Night Gala performance and reception in two weeks. Yes, the tux has been rented. No, it's not purple.

Listening to: Where It's At by Beck from Odelay.

Science Fiction - Not.

This is is not a scene from a science fiction film. It's a photograph of a real thing, called the "Z Machine", in operation. The Z Machine is an experimental particle accelerator used for nuclear fusion research at Sandia National Laboratories. It only operates for a tiny fraction of a second, but this is what it looks like while it is generating temperatures of 1.8 million degrees Celsius and producing 290 trillion watts. This is 80 times the electrical output of the entire world, but only for a few billionths of a second.

When I saw this picture all I could say was "wow." The equipment is submerged in an insulating pool of water, and the dramatic arcing is a product of electrical leakage. Click on the picture to see a higher-resolution version. The Z Machine is in the news at the moment because it recently achieved a high enough power output to hint at practical fusion power generation. That would mean "free" "endless" power...

Listening to: Use It by The New Pornographers from Twin Cinema.

Made it!

NASA's latest and greatest Mars probe, the Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter, began circling Mars today. This is a tricky process, requiring great precision to execute successfully. About one in three Mars probes have been lost, usually during this stage. Click on the image at right to see a 10 MB QuickTime animation of the process.

Moving along, I finally saw Capote this week with Sheryl. I found it a bit slow but thought it was a great insight into Truman Capote's personality and talent, especially through Philip Seymour Hoffman's portrayal. The film focused on the time he spent writing In Cold Blood and didn't mention the loss of his friends later in life because of his continuing literary betrayals.

I also have to mention my son's recent scheme. A few weeks ago Chris found an old Christmas Latte coupon from Starbucks in his mother's car. I think it was from 1998. He wanted to try to cash it in, so when we went to see Date Movie (his choice, you may want to avoid this movie) he brought it along. Sure enough, the baristas honoured it with a laugh. But they ran out of whipped cream and had to change canisters before they could finish. So they gave him another free drink coupon! He cashed that one in a lot faster, getting himself a Venti-size Caramel Macchiato a few days later.

Last thought before signing off. At the pool today one of the regulars was wearing a wet-suit! We struck up a conversation and it turns out he's going to race in a half-ironman triathlon in San Diego next week. He was actually wearing his girlfriend's wet-suit, as he'd picked up the wrong one by accident on the way out the door (she was swimming too, but in the usual bathing costume). I'm looking forward to getting into my new wet-suit sometime soon.

Listening to: The Long and Winding Road by The Beatles from Let It Be... Naked. Not in the iTunes Store...

Oscar Night 2006: The Review

Thumb up, or thumb down? This reviewer liked the loose and slightly political approach that Jon Steward took, especially the fake 'negative ads', but shook his head at the idiotic knocks against watching films at home. "There's no place to see them but a big screen..." Poor Jake Gyllenhaal could barely say it with a straight face. Overall thumb slightly up, if just for the gay-cowboy montage. Those web mashups sure went mainstream in a hurry!

The Oscars got off to a great start from a TV point of view with George Clooney's Supporting Actor acceptance speech. He actually said something! And I agreed with his sentiments... Almost everyone else was a mumbling idiot, and rude as it was by the show producers, they generally deserved the abrupt microphone cut-offs. LeeAundra Temescu has the right idea: win or lose when you have a chance to directly address the world, say something worthwhile. Prepare a freakin' 45 second speech, not a laundry list of agents and producers! Everyone in the biz knows that stuff and the public just sees you kissing butt at the highest possible speed. Not flattering.

Not many surprises otherwise. Crash did better than expected, but they lobbied very hard. Brokeback Mountain did a bit worse. Apparently Reese Witherspoon worked the voters too (she did have a great performance in Walk the Line though). The Original Song win by Three 6 Mafia for their 'crunk' tune It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp was unexpected but I don't know what it means. The nominated songs were generally boring.

Listening to: A Love That Will Never Grow Old by EmmyLou Harris from the Brokeback Mountain soundtrack.

This week in politics

The past is coming back to haunt our North American political leaders this week. Down south evidence has emerged that President Bush was an apparently inattentive attendee at several video conferences where he was directly told of the various serious consequences of the arrival of hurricane Katrina. When the sh*t hit the fan (and over 1300 Americans died) his line was that "I don't think anyone anticipated the breach of the levees" Kinda making it up as he goes along...

Up here we have a dual catch-up for our new Prime Minister. First, the Alberta government is planning to introduce a form of private health care that directly contravenes the Canada Health Act that Mr. Harper pledged to defend during the recent election. Problem is, a few years ago he wrote a letter urging the Alberta government to do just that. Hmmm. Secondly, after campaigning long and loud about the higher ethical standard of his party Mr. Harper now finds himself the subject of a federal ethics inquiry over the immediate post-election defection of David Emerson to Mr. Harper's Conservative government (and a cabinet seat). Mr. Harper's response? That the inquiry is a partisan political attack. Kinda making it up as he goes along...

Listening to: Dance, Dance by Fall Out Boy from From Under the Cork Tree.